A quote from —The Onion

God Help Him, But Area Man Loves That Crazy Bitch

RENO, NV—Despite her continued efforts to drive him out of his goddamn mind and turn his every waking hour into some kind of living nightmare, Craig Shearer, 32, admitted Monday that he still loves that crazy bitch.

“Aw, who am I kidding? That nut-job’s really got my number,” Shearer told reporters after being locked out of the apartment he shares with the total psycho. “She may not give me a moment’s peace and I can’t mention another woman’s name without hearing about it for a week, but what can I do? She’s the one. That fucking lunatic is the one.”

Shearer then concluded his address, sighed, and began gathering his shirts and pants from his front lawn.